The Unknown

I have a meeting on Monday that will determine if I go back to my job on the new hours that I have requested, or even if I go back at all. Since initiating the meeting I am now feeling so emotional in case a.) I have to go back and b.) I have to find another part time job to accommodate both children. I am terrified of going back to work for some reason, part of that being leaving Serenity, another part of that dreading the motorway drive in and out, and another piece being the office politics. It's the type of thing where once you have had reflection on it, on how you handled things or dealt with the day to day routine of work, and you discover areas where you want to change for the better and improve; but knowing there is a risk that once you're thrown back into it, the old bad habits come storming back. I know I will be probably be fine once I am back into it, if that happens, but it's the unknown at the moment that is making me very emotional. I feel like going back is going backwards, more away from my goal as writer or doing something more creative for a job; something that I have always worked towards. Being at home, working on these projects have given me the incentive I have always needed, moving closer and closer to my goal, but I fear all of that will disappear again once I'm back at work.
Part of me likes not knowing what tomorrow will bring, but another parts of me hates it. I guess I will know more on Monday, and I will just have to wait and see.